2008-01-22T15:17:00.000-08:00

1965

If you eat too much ice cream, your guts will freeze and they'll have to pump very hot water down your throat to thaw you out.

And they use a garden hose to do this.

1966

He once saw a man with pure white eyes, no iris or pupil, and that man could see!

1967

If you eat rock salt such as is used for making homemade ice cream, your blood will dry up like it did in "The Andromeda Strain" and once it's turned to powder you will be dead.

1968

He's pretty sure I'm adopted because he heard my parents talking about it.

1969

Your brain is like an excellent computer, but if you learn too much it will short-out and dump all the data on your hard drive. For instance, you could lose every single thing you learned in third grade.

1971

I am a freaking genius.

1972

If you can manage to get struck by lightning and not die from it, you will forever be magnetic and also have the power to be invisible.

1973

In Chinese restaurants, they peel cockroaches and put them in the food and then tell you they're almonds. He had a friend who worked in such a restaurant and she knows.

1975

If you are seen photographing stealth bombers from the ground, they will unload all their ammo right on you and there is nothing you can do for it. You're just blown up.

1971, 1972, 1975, 1978, 1991, 1992, 1996, 1998, 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007

I need therapy, dammit.

10 Lies Kirby Has Told Me